Lonely world

I have been planning on starting my own blog for a few months now. However, like many things, I have been postponing this, simply just waiting for the right time to get started.

Today I finally got it going. I was excited and quickly uploaded about 15 articles that I had already saved on my computer.

However, this is really a lonely world. I do not know if anyone is ever going to read my blog. I don’t even know if I want anyone to ever read my blog.

However, if for some reason you are reading this blog, all I can say is thank you. I appreciate you for making this lonely world less lonely.

Malik

I once knew a tall handsome man called Malik Roba. He used to be a very good friend of mine, actually he still is. Malik was one of those men who you could always count on. No matter what you were going through, Malik always had the right words to say. Wise man, Malik definitely was. It was because of this man that I grew fond of the name Malik. Interestingly enough, I didn’t know anyone else by that name.

However, this year another Malik came into my life. This Malik is like my own family although I am yet to meet him. He is a special little Malik, a king to be exact. He was brought into my life by my best friend and his girlfriend. This year the world welcomes little Malik who I wish nothing but the best in life.

I hereby raise my glass to Peter and Viola on the birth of their son, Malik. I pray that peace, joy and love will always be part of their lives.

Long live king Malik!

Someday…

If I die today well it will be a big shame. This is not because of what I am yet to accomplish in terms of huge goals or what I haven’t yet said or done, it is about the finality of the fact that there will be no tomorrow for me. I live for tomorrow, hell right now I am already thinking about all the things that I will do tomorrow.  These are actually things that I can do right now. I can get my article done today but maybe tomorrow ill be more inspired. As a matter of fact, tomorrow ill even wake up early to do it. I will be so serious and ill get some writing done. Today let me read Miguna Miguna’s book and just get a feel of how writers get things done. Hell, I may even get a better grip of English by reading this book. This is more important that actually writing. It prepares me for tomorrow. It will definitely help me become a better writer tomorrow.

This year I bought my fridge. I was happy and I had big plans for this big cold box. The first thing I did was to buy frozen foods and ice-cream. Wow! I was able to save so much money and also eat well all thanks to my fridge. However, with the improved diet, my ham sandwiches, assorted snacks and ice-cream, the weight then came. I swear it tip-toed! I never even felt in creeping in. One day, I looked into the mirror and there it was! For the first time in my life, I had love handles and they were hideous! My lower back, butterfly tattoo (tramp stamp) was almost hidden by the rolls of fat.

I will start working out soon; I need to get rid of the love handles. I will start doing it soon. After all, I do have my Yoga and aerobics tapes. I even got “the biggest loser” weight loss video. I also have a lot of research material on weight loss. I will set aside a time and place to work out and I will do it with everything that I have. Someday, watch me! I will actually start working out. Not today though, I still have a few TV shows to watch, a book to read. I also feel like I should be resting my body and mind so working out? Definitely not today!

I have a book, it’s amazing. Actually I have two books. One book is about the secret to happiness. It is a wonderful book. It has all the tips that any woman would need to live a happier and more fulfilling life. In this book, there tools shared about how to unlock happiness. One such tool is the gratitude journal that is supposed to help us become more grateful. I need to start using these tools. I have been using this book on and off now but I have never been serious about it. I need to get all serious now. I will start reading the books come next week, probably on Monday. I will do it. The second book is “fascinating secrets of womanhood”. I enjoy reading this book; I am almost 6 chapters in even though I have been reading for over a year now. Anyway, once I complete the juicy Miguna Miguna book (that man can hate!) I will read this book.

I am organizing a get together for my girlfriends. We haven’t seen each other in a while and so having them around together will be awesome. In addition, Jules is having twins soon. We need to catch up. I need to communicate with the girls and let them know when we will meet. This is going to be so much fun. I will send those messages and we can start making plans. I will definitely top up my phone with enough credit then call everyone. I can’t wait. I would have called them now but I don’t have enough credit and I want to use up what I have now before topping up. However, soon, hell maybe even tomorrow, I will call them.

I have to start taking care of my feet. I have some few scrubs and lanolin oil, I will start washing my feet more carefully now. I need to get rid of the dead skin. This I will definitely start doing soon. Not now though since it’s very cold. It would be better that if I start doing it when it gets warmer. Putting your feet in water can get you sick you know. You may just catch a cold in this weather.

I also need to sort out my shoes and get rid of the pairs that I do not wear anymore. I own over 100 pairs of shoes and only wear about 20 pairs. The remaining 80 pairs are just taking up space in my closet. I will get rid of them soon, maybe even this weekend. I will get some nice music playing and then get to work. I can picture juts how many pairs ill get done with when I start cleaning up. All this I will definitely do soon. I mean, I could do it today but then again, ill get home exhausted so it’s better to schedule a specific time to do them.

Someday, I will get my articles done and ill start sending out my query letters. I will even get my blog up and running. Someday, I will start working out and lose some of that belly fat and love handles, my clothes may just start fitting me again. Someday, I will get serious about reading “Secrets of fascinating woman hood” and I will also get started on carrying out the tasks outlined in my happiness journey book. Someday, I hope soon, I will get serious about organizing my girlfriends’ reunion. I will call everyone; agree on the date and time and also on the activities to be carried out. Someday, I will start taking better care of my feet and treat them better. I will also get my shoes sorted out, someday.

If I die today, I will sadly die without ever having my blog set up or having any articles published. Now that’s a writer’s nightmare. I do not even deserve that title, writer. I will also die with a lot of extra fat that I could have gotten rid off. I will leave behind two great books that contain a wealth of knowledge that could be helpful to me. I will also die without seeing my girlfriends again or even talking to them one last time. After my death, people will wonder what to do with my 100 pairs of shoes, a number of which I am yet to wear. In addition, I will die with my feet looking a mess with a lot of dead skin.

I need to stop procrastinating. I need to kick this detrimental habit someday before I run out of tomorrows!

Call me Inspector Deedee…

There is something about women that just makes us good at investigations. When we think a man is cheating on us, we will go to any length just to get evidence. This may include going through phones, wallets, wardrobes and even plain stalking where you follow a man from a distance. I have friends who are very good at investigations that they make police work look amateur. For instance, my friend “Jenny” used to go through her man’s things like a professional. She would begin by taking pictures of everything first before the perusal. After digging up as much as possible, she would then replace all items using the pictures as a guidance to ensure that everything is back to its original place. This would ensure that her man knows nothing about the detective work that she had been doing.

There are many women who live and swear by snooping. They do it even when they do not suspect infidelity at all. I remember once having been advised to “steal his phone while he sleeps and go through his texts in the bathroom”! Apparently this is a defense mechanism. It helps you know whether or not a man is cheating on you. The interesting thing is that I have received this advice even in new relationships that were simply going great.

I don’t really blame women for their detective work. There are times a woman needs evidence before she can finally make a decision about a man. She may have a gut feeling but without evidence, she may never truly know whether or not her instincts are on point.

However, one thing to know about snooping is that it is actually invasion of privacy. Going through a person’s items whether or not you suspect foul play is wrong. It is also disrespectful. No matter what is going on in your relationship, disrespecting your partner by snooping on them can never be justified.

Snooping breaks trust. For whatever reason, if you decide to snoop on a man, you will lose his trust. This is because; you betray his trust by your violation on his privacy. If he finds out that you have been going through his personal items whether or not he is guilty, he will have a problem trusting you again. We all get shocked when we find out that the men we are dating have passwords on their phones. However, the fact that we even found out about the passwords already explains why the men feel the need to safeguard their privacy.

Another main issue with snooping is that presenting the evidence is always really hard. There are many women who have told me that they have found suspicious texts on their boyfriend’s phones while snooping. They have what would be termed as “hard evidence” about a man’s infidelity. However, they cannot confront the man about it. This is because they got the evidence from snooping. It’s embarrassing to even admit that you snoop. It’s even embarrassing to try and make someone look like the bad guy whereas you are the one who stooped low to the snooping level. In most cases, if you are the one snooping, you end up feeling guilty and ashamed although you are not the one cheating.

The information that you find out from snooping may end up being a burden to you. For instance, if you find out that your boyfriend is cheating on you and yet you can’t even confront him, this may be quite stressful for you. You will not be able to trust him again but at the same time, you have to maintain appearances and make everything seem okay. The knowing can be very hurtful. It will break your heart.

Most people who snoop also confess that it is a very addictive habit. Once you start obsessing with “finding out the truth”, this becomes part of you. You will never have his phone without being able to not go through it. You will find yourself becoming obsessive. You may even start studying and researching on how to improve your detective skills. As long as you do this, you will never truly be happy. Everything he does or says will look suspicious. You will think it’s connected to the evidence that you already have. For instance, if you find a text from a number that you don’t know and then the next day you husband gets home late, you may naturally assume that he is cheating.

To snoop or not to snoop, well that’s truly a tough choice!

This August

As August begins, I have all kinds of feelings about this month. I remember a year ago in August; I was marking the last month at my former job. It was a dead-end job. I was miserable there. I had worked there for three years and I spent most of that time looking for another job, attending interviews and working as a part-time writer. The job was low-paying and I was unmotivated in all ways possible. I remember hitting rock bottom time and time again. I would have quit the job after the first year but I was scared. I did not want to end up back home with no source of income. Due to my fears, I held on until I had had enough that August. The interesting thing was, I was walking out of that job to become a writer. Writing is my passion and so instead of being scared or nervous, I was simply excited. I planned on taking a short vacation at the Coast before going back to writing. I couldn’t be happier.

 

However, God had other plans for me. I was invited for an interview with my current employer. I hadn’t even applied for the job and I honestly felt that it was above me, but then again, there I was. I remember attending the interview with an apprehension. I had been to many interviews before that had turned out to be just a routine. I didn’t have any expectations. However, it was such a great opportunity so I couldn’t help but hope and pray that I got the job.

 

After the interview, I went back home and as I had earlier on planned, I went on my vacation to the Coast. I had time to unwind and just think as I sat at the beach alone. I had dreams about my writing and I wanted to travel. At my former job, I hade worked for three years without taking anytime off. I was exhausted! However, things suddenly changed, I got called back to Limuru had gotten the job. I couldn’t believe it! I remember staring at my appointment letter, reading and re-reading it. This is too good to be true, I thought to myself.

 

My life moved so fast after that, I moved to Limuru to be closer to work. I still continued writing on the side but later on gave it up so as to concentrate on my job. With the new job, came the money. I was able to do so much that I couldn’t have done before. It was a much better life. I felt truly blessed. At my new job, I made new friends that I wouldn’t have otherwise met. It has been an incredible experience all in all.

 

This August marks the end of my one year contract with my current employer. I have so many mixed feelings. First of all, I am not sure that I will get the job. This is mainly based on my relationship with my boss who has been in turmoil since I got here. Secondly, I am not even sure that I do want the job. It has been a blessing and I have really enjoyed working here but writing calls me. In addition, I don’t feel like I am very good at my job. I work as a Personal Assistant to a high profile person and yet I struggle with procrastination and also inability to being detail-oriented. These are not good qualities in a PA. However, at the same time, I have days when I really enjoy my job. There are times when I get to do so much that makes me happy. In addition, being a PA has allowed me to use my skills in writing and Public Relations. At the same time, my boss has been both a teacher and a mentor to me and I have learned so much from him. At the same time, nothing is stopping me from writing even as I work here.

 

This August, I feel lost. I don’t have the answers. Worse still, I don’t even have the right questions to ask. Unlike last August, there are no excitement and high expectations. There is just me and my uncertainties. This August, I leave it all to God.

My Girls

I was never the popular kid in high school. If anything, I was skinny and awkward. I was also a loner who was really drawn to the weird people. If a girl got knocked up and sidelined by everyone, then I would befriend. I was friends with the girls out casted as thieves, lesbians, devil worshipers, I just liked these people. I was occasionally friends with the cool girls but that wasn’t genuine. I couldn’t stand their really short skirts and makeup.

When I went to college, all this changed. By then, I was no longer skinny. In addition, I ended up with a lot of male friends and only one female friend. She was a wild card. It’s in the way she dressed and talked. She used to drink and smoke. Soon, I was learning her ways. I learned how to ditch class, have sambuka shots in the middle of the day and smoke like I was the coolest kid on the block. I still maintained my weird friendships though. I was especially close with the foreigners who nobody seemed to like. They could hardly speak English but I could still hold conversations for hours with them.

When I went to Campus, I met my girls who I must say changed my life completely.

 

Caroline

This is one of the first people that I met. We met on the first day of Campus, that is January 10, 2005 and have remained good pals until now. Carol is an interesting girl. She has the biggest most beautiful eyes that I have ever seen. Her feet are also really cute. She is one of the boldest and funniest people that I know. In addition, she is very adventurous. I have woken up in the morning and ended up in a random plan across the country because of Carol.

She is always the life of the party. I have attended parties where Carol was the sole entertainment. There is no electricity; well Carol has a plan on how to keep things alive. With this girl, everything is amazing. She likes to invite people over to her home in Rongai for pancakes. The thing with Carol is that, she will describe this plot in words that will convince you that pancakes are the best things ever. She will make pancakes sound better than alcohol at a party. That is carol for you, every day is a celebration.

I love Carol for many reasons. One of the main reasons is that she has the biggest heart. Carol is who you call when you are sad. If you want to cry, she will cry with you. She will share in your pain and in your happiness alike. Carol is and has always been that one person that I have always been able to count on in the good and bad times.

Rosy

The interesting thing about Rose is that she doesn’t strike you immediately as the wild girl. Now my friends in Campus were”lively”, for lack of a better word. We definitely knew how to live our lives to the fullest.This involved shopping, partying, travelling or just hanging out but simply doing everything that we could to keep things lively. However, Rose is a bit different. I remember when in Campus, all the girls would go out apart from her. She always had an excuse. While everyone dated one guy after the other, she remained single. Rose was unique.

I loved Rose due to this uniqueness. She had two sides to her. When need be, the crazy side of her would show up briefly. Talk to her and you will unearth a very interesting compassionate girl.

 

Juliana

There is a lot that I can say about Juliana. I have loved and hated her almost with the same intensity(the hate is mildly put by the way, i love that girl to bits!!). We have fought a number of times but always seem to get through it all. We are so alike and equally so different. Juelz was my roommate for four years in Campus. We were alike in that we both loved our shoes, we both had unique dressing styles, we both got our lower back tattoos at the same time etc. We had a world in common. I understood her even when most people did not. She also understood me and put up with my mood swings even when everybody walked way.

Juliana is cool and interesting. If I did anything crazy, probably she was there or on the phone encouraging me to go for it. She was fabulous and so much fun and I simply adored her. I loved the fact that she was a model and yet the only girl I knew who loved reggae music so much. She even had a scarf with Rasta colors. Cool chic, that Juliana was. One of the main reasons I love Juelz is that even though we are age mates, she has always been like a big sister for me. The one who will tell me when am about to do something stupid. She was the one who was there for me when I was having a hard time. She even protected me physically from people who intended to take advantage of me in any one. That is Juliana; she loves with the intensity of a mother or a sibling.

Right now, she is expecting twins. The interesting thing is that I have no doubt in my mind that she will be a fantastic mother. She will love those children with everything that she has. That is Juliana, the woman who loves with her all.

Angie

Angie is one of those really pretty women who just have that smile that gives you the impression that there’s more than what meets the eye. If Angie smiles at you, you get the feeling that there is something else she thinks of. Her smile is sincere yet a little cocky. When I met Angie, two things stood out in my mind. One is that, she is very pretty and secondly, I think that her voice is actually more high pitched than mine.

When I think of Angie, I think of her dancing to some raga music. I always think of her in blue jeans and a blue hoodie. For some reason, I associate her with happiness, maybe because she smiles a lot. I love her for many reasons. One thing is that she is a very tough, no-nonsense lady. She tells it like it is. I think this may have something to do with her being a lawyer.

Angie was the first one of my girls to become a mother. She stepped into this role like it was the most natural thing in the world. If you visit her home, you will be amazed with just how much she makes being a mum and wife seem easy. Her love for her son, handsome little Ali is also adorable. I remember sometime back we had gone out for the night; we all ended up back at Angie house. It was very late but you should have seen her hanging out with her son and putting him to bed. I seem to have a lot of admiration for Angie, this maybe because she is simply awesome!

Vicky

There is a lot that can be said about Vicky. We weren’t as thick as thieves or as tight as sisters but I still consider her as one of my closest friends. One thing that I really admire about Vicky is that she was so focused even when we were in Campus. She got an internship with a local radio station and when the rest of us were sleeping, watching movies and partying, Vicky was working. It’s no surprise that she got on television immediately after we left school. Vicky was the first one in my group of girls to get married. She got married to her Campus sweetheart just a year after graduation. She is one of those women whose lives seem to just fall into place. Its like things just simply work out well for her. She is now a mum and although am yet to meet her son, I simply know that she is a great mother. That is Vicky for you, very focused and she knows what she wants in life.

As I have said, I have never been very close with Vicky but I still know that she is one very genuine friend. If she is your friend, she will be there for you no matter what. She is not a petty person at all. She is mature and very intelligent. Vicky is who I think of when I think of a super woman. She has completely embodied exactly what a good woman should be.

Esther

Well I have lost touch with Esther but I still consider her as one of my girls. I remember that she was the first person that I made friends with in my class. Esther is a very interesting person. She has a great look, especially that flat tummy that is absolutely to die for. She likes weird sitting postures. I remember in Campus, you would find her seating on top of the table to study. She also used to like hand gestures. I remember her using her hands to try and explain concepts.

Esther is intelligent. You can just see it in how she reasons and argues her points. She is also very witty. She has these “one-liners” that can crack you up. She is also very direct, this Esther. She will tell you something without playing around with her words at all. She is also a brave woman despite her small stature.

One thing I love about Esther is that she is naturally cool. She is one of these people who don’t seem bothered by what is going on around them. As you struggle with your high heels and short skirts, she will pass by simply dressed and looking unimpressed by you. There is something about her. She is one of those people who will laugh at your joke and you instantly feel like a stand-up comedian. Esther Chela, one cool girl. She remains my only friend from Eldoret.

Mercy

I love Mercy. She is such an awesome girl. I also met her on January 10, 2005. She later moved from Moi to Makerere University but she still remained one of the girls. Mercy comes from an affluent background. The thing about her is that, she remains down to earth. She is simply a beautiful girl both on the inside and the outside.

Mercy has visited every country in the world, she can easily be spotted in a Mercedes Benz but she still remains as cool as can be. She is a fun girl, this Mercy. She parties like a rock star and knows how to treat herself well.

I enjoy talking to her and just hanging out with her. She is a great listener and she always has these fascinating stories. Mercy is a great friend. No matter where in the world she may be, she has always remained loyal to the girls.

Jeds

She may not have been one of my original girls but interesting enough, after Campus, I formed a very good friendship with Jeds. The thing about Jeds and I is that we always have a great time. When we are together, laughter is always in the air. We laugh at everything. We laugh at people, music, and un-funny movie scenes. We just laugh. We also always seem to have a lot to talk about. We can stay up for hours just laughing and talking about everything.

I love Jeds for very many reasons. She is one of the most loyal people that I know. She lives by the “your enemies, my enemies rule”. I find that to be very admirable and also genuine. Jeds is also a great listener. She is someone that you can talk to about anything. She pays attention and sympathizes “aki woiye!” and laughs when its time to laugh. I consider myself lucky to have met this wonderful woman when I did.

My girls have been there for me through thick and thin. They have been there during the family issues and the career crisis. They have also been there when I was excited about meeting a new guy and we would sit and talk about him for hours. They would then be back again for another talk when I was going through a breakup. We would again sit and talk and agree on what to do after the relationship died.

I would be lost without….my girls!

A Sanguine Excogitating

 

I am a sanguine!

I have always been a very optimistic person. Yesterday, I was researching on the four temperaments and I found out the reason behind my optimism is actually that; I am a sanguine. It’s funny how finding out something so seemingly mundane can have such a great impact on a person. It’s like finally finding out the answer to the old age question “who am I?” or “why do I do the things that I do”.

I am a Sanguine!

As it is always the case, hearing someone describe you in negative light is not always pleasant. The initial reaction is always defense.  This is what I underwent as I read more on sanguine personalities. For instance, one of the characteristics of a sanguine is that they are attention seekers and are always trying to catch people’s attention. Well I wouldn’t describe myself as an attention seeker, but if I am completely honest with myself, maybe I am. That may explain why I dress the way I do, I thought it was uniqueness but then again, why do we seek to be unique, it is because we do want to stand out.

Another unflattering characteristic of a sanguine is that they tend to exaggerate. I can’t even argue with this one because God knows I can spin a tale! I am one of the people who don’t have cuts or bruises, we have injuries and accidents!  It’s no coincidence that the next characteristic of a sanguine is that they are “talkative. I can relate to that too. I always have something to say about everything. I would refer to it as being “interesting”. Talkative tends to infer to the inability to shut up.

Apparently, sanguine are quick to anger, naïve, complain a lot and speak loudly. Wow, too much hate there, I have no idea what they are talking about now. I refuse to describe myself in those words! It is also said that sanguine may be too talkative at work; they tend to gossip and forget work due to this. Once again, I know not, what this means. I enjoy a good chat just as much as anyone else. I also like to be “informed” so I enjoy a good gossip now and then, nothing wrong with that. Sanguine are also described as being forgetful, mmmh.

Who doesn’t enjoy a good gossip anyway?

On the flipside, there are many great attributes, maybe I should say, good attributes of a sanguine. We are said to be very friendly and approachable. That’s definitely a plus in life! Apparently, research shows that we also happen to be inspiring, I don’t know about that though! I am yet to meet a soul that I have inspired. Apparently, we also happen to be relationship oriented. I am not even sure what that means though, so I’ll get back to that much later. It is also said that sanguine genuinely like people. That I can relate to. I don’t hate anyone. Not even those who have wronged me. I always try to find good qualities in people; I guess being a sanguine can do that to a person.

Optimism is said to be sanguine main characteristics. It is said that a sanguine is always able to see the light at the end of the dark tunnel. Well that has some truth in it. Even in the darkest days, I pull myself out of the “self-pity” hole and manage to look beyond. However, it is also said that being a sanguine can mean that one loses the ability of being realistic. Mmmh.. We just can’t win, can we? I don’t see what’s wrong in being able to create a separate world where the sun is always shining and the birds are always singing or in my case, a world filled with chocolate, shoes and good old school music. Call it being unrealistic, I call it learning how to survive and weather the storms of life.

Sarcasm is said to be a common characteristic of a sanguine. This I can’t even argue with. Sarcasm to me means being witty, not a low form of wit by the way, but a language in which the intellectuals converse in haha, if you don’t get it, you just don’t. My sarcasm used to get me into trouble a lot in Campus, guess people just didn’t get it, or maybe, it’s just a sanguine thing. A sanguine is also said to be a naturally curious person. I can relate to this. I spend a lot of time carrying out research. I am always “Googling” things or looking up a new random word in the dictionary. Curiosity is a good thing, I would say but then again, it can get one into trouble; that I can attest to.

It is said that sanguine people generally tend to be the life of the party. To some extent, I can agree in that. I can be that person as long as I manage to stay awake during the party. I am always teased about my ducking ability especially in house parties. Half of the time, I am in a bedroom sleeping of course, the other half, I make appearances at the party, dancing like it’s going out of style and screaming my lungs out, damn, maybe I am an attention seeker. Mmmhh whoever came up with these temperaments is really good!

Dancing like its going out of style!

A sanguine is also bound to be impulsive. That may explain my spending habits and the ridiculous number of shoes and art that I own. We are also said to be pleasure-seekers and experimental. I see a lot of that in myself, I believe in trying everything at least once. That puts my morals into question but hey, YOLO!

The best description of a sanguine is that they are creative and daydream a lot. They tend to like professions that allow them to explore their creative abilities. As an aspiring writer, this personally resonated with me. It is what had I convinced that I had found the right temperament that captures who I am.

The most interesting part of my research was on “how to keep a sanguine happy”. Apparently, you have to ensure that you give them your attention, show them more acceptance than rejection, maintain plenty of social interactions with them, give them jobs that allow a lot of personal contact, give them plenty to do, praise and honor them for their achievements, and give them plenty of physical contact.

If you are curious about your personality, you should read on the four temperaments. You will learn a lot about yourself and also you may get an insight about the people around you.

Wow! I do talk a lot, first entry and am 1000 words in, clear indication that more rumblings are on the way! Anyway, bear with me, I am a sanguine!

Hello world!

I have always liked writing. I practically write down everything. I write down my thoughts, my feelings and every little thing that interests me. I have all these articles saved up in my computer yet I have never shared them with anyone.

I have also done  a lot of ghost writing. This kind of writing pays the bills but then again, there is nothing as discouraging as loosing all the rights to your work. It breaks my heart to see my articles getting published in other people’s names.

This blog will now be my platform to reach the world. I am still learning and working on my writing. At the same time, I finally get to see my name appear on something I have written,. Whether my writing is good or bad, I know ill enjoy having this blog!!!