Call me Inspector Deedee…

There is something about women that just makes us good at investigations. When we think a man is cheating on us, we will go to any length just to get evidence. This may include going through phones, wallets, wardrobes and even plain stalking where you follow a man from a distance. I have friends who are very good at investigations that they make police work look amateur. For instance, my friend “Jenny” used to go through her man’s things like a professional. She would begin by taking pictures of everything first before the perusal. After digging up as much as possible, she would then replace all items using the pictures as a guidance to ensure that everything is back to its original place. This would ensure that her man knows nothing about the detective work that she had been doing.

There are many women who live and swear by snooping. They do it even when they do not suspect infidelity at all. I remember once having been advised to “steal his phone while he sleeps and go through his texts in the bathroom”! Apparently this is a defense mechanism. It helps you know whether or not a man is cheating on you. The interesting thing is that I have received this advice even in new relationships that were simply going great.

I don’t really blame women for their detective work. There are times a woman needs evidence before she can finally make a decision about a man. She may have a gut feeling but without evidence, she may never truly know whether or not her instincts are on point.

However, one thing to know about snooping is that it is actually invasion of privacy. Going through a person’s items whether or not you suspect foul play is wrong. It is also disrespectful. No matter what is going on in your relationship, disrespecting your partner by snooping on them can never be justified.

Snooping breaks trust. For whatever reason, if you decide to snoop on a man, you will lose his trust. This is because; you betray his trust by your violation on his privacy. If he finds out that you have been going through his personal items whether or not he is guilty, he will have a problem trusting you again. We all get shocked when we find out that the men we are dating have passwords on their phones. However, the fact that we even found out about the passwords already explains why the men feel the need to safeguard their privacy.

Another main issue with snooping is that presenting the evidence is always really hard. There are many women who have told me that they have found suspicious texts on their boyfriend’s phones while snooping. They have what would be termed as “hard evidence” about a man’s infidelity. However, they cannot confront the man about it. This is because they got the evidence from snooping. It’s embarrassing to even admit that you snoop. It’s even embarrassing to try and make someone look like the bad guy whereas you are the one who stooped low to the snooping level. In most cases, if you are the one snooping, you end up feeling guilty and ashamed although you are not the one cheating.

The information that you find out from snooping may end up being a burden to you. For instance, if you find out that your boyfriend is cheating on you and yet you can’t even confront him, this may be quite stressful for you. You will not be able to trust him again but at the same time, you have to maintain appearances and make everything seem okay. The knowing can be very hurtful. It will break your heart.

Most people who snoop also confess that it is a very addictive habit. Once you start obsessing with “finding out the truth”, this becomes part of you. You will never have his phone without being able to not go through it. You will find yourself becoming obsessive. You may even start studying and researching on how to improve your detective skills. As long as you do this, you will never truly be happy. Everything he does or says will look suspicious. You will think it’s connected to the evidence that you already have. For instance, if you find a text from a number that you don’t know and then the next day you husband gets home late, you may naturally assume that he is cheating.

To snoop or not to snoop, well that’s truly a tough choice!

4 thoughts on “Call me Inspector Deedee…

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