I have always loved the ocean. I used to find peace just looking at the waters. I remember in 2011 when I resigned from my job, I quickly packed up and rushed to Mombasa. I got an apartment at Nyali just a short walk from the beach and spent hours just staring at the ocean. Those hours gave me peace and an escape from the uncertainties and worries of being jobless and not knowing what lay ahead. My vacation and ocean time ended after only two days when I got a call informing me that I had gotten a new job. Anyway, since then I take a trip to the coast after every two or three months just to spend sometime with the ocean.
However, my relationship with the ocean quickly changed while in Lamu. I was on Shela beach, just having a great time enjoying the scenery, walking on the beach. At some point, I ventured into the ocean until I was waist deep and started playing with the water. At some point, I lost my balance and fell in. Naturally, I tried to get back on my feet but I kept slipping and losing my balance. Head under water, I struggled with breathing. Water was rushing into my nose and I was in complete panic. It lasted just under a minute but I was terrified and even though I tried to make light of it, I was deeply affected by the incident. Since then, whenever I look at the ocean, I am engulfed by a fear of drowning. I can practically relive the feeling of suffocating with water getting into my nose. Interesting, even watching telly with scenes of the ocean just bring back the fear.
I seem to have another fear of late; this is a fear of intruders. I keep thinking that there are people crawling up my windows at night, stomping around on my ceiling and the roof, standing on my balcony and peeping through the windows and just staring at my house all night. This is one of the worst fears that I have ever experienced. It keeps me up almost all night. I always look out my window and check my doors just thinking that I may find a face staring back at me. I also have a habit of checking closets and under my bed before sleeping. I can’t remember the last time I slept for the whole night. These days am terrified of nighttime. I am also terrified of my house, thinking that maybe I should move into a smaller place since I live in a two-bedroom house all alone.
I think this fear stemmed from my friends telling me of a break-in in their building. It may also be fueled by my obsession with watching countless episodes of paranormal witness which scares the hell out of me each time. In that series, people give true and at times documented accounts of paranormal invasions. Needless to say, most of these invasions happen at home and at night. I know I should stop watching that show but like a crack addict, I keep going for more episodes.
I look forward to the night when ill go to bed at 10:00pm and wake up at the sound of my alarm at 5:50am. I also look forward to the night when ill be able to sleep without looking out of my window or even under the bed trying to find intruders. I need to find a way to make peace with the night and get my sleep back!