That stupid husband of mine!

My husband is a stupid man. I am neither kidding nor exaggerating. I really mean it. I mean look at him now. We are in a room full of people and there he is, right in front of everyone and what is he doing, he is crying. To add to the drama, he is actually holding my picture in his hands looking at me like I am his best friend and of course, the waterworks are there. 64 years old and still so dramatic. He disgusts me honestly!


My mind wonders away from the dramatic scene and back to the day when I met him. I was 24, fresh out of campus. I was so ambitious and just hungry for it all. I wanted the good life! The cars, the big house and of course the wardrobe to die for! I wanted it all and fast.


I got my first job just within weeks of graduating. It was low paying and I hated it. I worked hard and barely made enough to feed myself leave alone afford the lifestyle that I wanted. I tried to work harder and even get a side job but still, I couldn’t even make more that 40,000 shillings per month and I was devastated and impatient. Some of my friends from Campus were already living the good life. Some of them were already driving. There were others who were already married too but forget about that, what I wanted was the money, not the ring just yet.


When I met him, I just knew. There was that air around him. He had that look, the successful look. He drove a Range Rover and seemed to be doing well in life. Of course the size of his wallet completely blinded me so much that I looked past his age, big belly and just the overall old man appearance. I wanted to get to riches and well, I had just found my ticket.


His name was Kamau although he liked to introduce himself as Jack. I know what kind of man he is. He is one of those who like to think that they are still young and still got it. I could tell by the way he dressed, the jewellery and just how he carried himself. Jack was definitely over 55 years old but he was trying to act 25. I told you that he is a stupid man. Well now you see!


It wasn’t hard to get him interested in me. He was flattered by my attention and always seemed too eager to please. Jack had a family, a wife and five grown children who were already working. He told me that he had divorced his wife. He accused her of being lazy, boring, insane and too ambitious. She sounded like a piece of work. However, I was so sure that he left her because she didn’t fit into the idea of the kind of wife he wanted. He wanted someone younger to boost his ego and the poor old lady couldn’t do that anymore. Stupid man couldn’t even sit back and enjoy his retirement. He had to go around chasing a life that wasn’t his anymore.


We got married within the first year of meeting. I had hit the jackpot. He was really a rich man. He had the lifestyle that I wanted. I moved into his very big house and soon, he bought me a Mercedes Benz. I got everything that I ever wanted in terms of my material needs. 


I remember the excitement that I felt when I first went shopping in London. Then I went to Paris and in Italy, I actually got a pair of shoes right off a Milan catwalk. That was the good life. I also got to travel extensively and visited every place I ever wanted to. The best part of it all, I was a trophy wife! I never had to lift a finger and do anything since Jack took care of me.He showered me with so many gifts. Not one of my wishes was ever denied and I have to admit, it was the good life. 


One thing that I used to really resent about him though was the fact that he never used to actually give me the money. If I wanted to go anywhere, he would pay for all the expenses. He bought me the cars but still had his name on the log books. Everything that we had bought together was in his name. When I say together of course I don’t mean that I contributed any money to the purchases but rather he bought them when we were married. I thought he was very selfish and controlling.


I wanted to have my own account where he would deposit a certain amount of money for me weekly or even monthly. This would then help me get access to money whenever I needed it instead of having to ask him each time I needed to buy even the smallest things. He was a peculiar husband that Jack.


I loved my lifestyle but soon I started getting bored. Lying by the pool every day waiting for Jack to come home after work was too tiring. I was so bored. I couldn’t travel without Jack so I had to wait until he was able to take time from his work. In addition, I had to go everywhere with a driver when alone so I couldn’t really hang out with my girlfriends and do fun stuff like going clubbing or anything. I had to just laze around and do nothing all day when he got to go to work and have a great time at work with workmates and all.


It was during one of those boring afternoons when I was seated at the pool, doing nothing as usual when I first saw him. Jack had decided to turn our garage into a guest house and then get a carport for the cars. There were construction guys everywhere. Normally, I wouldn’t notice men like that since well…. They don’t make much money from their jobs I know. There was something about him though. He was around my age and he was one of those guys who are just confident. I was the Jack’s wife and so most men wouldn’t even look at me at all. My husband was powerful and rich and so by default, I was also considered powerful and rich. However, there was something about the young man who I later came to find out was called Saidi.


I started hanging around the construction and soon, I started talking to Saidi. Right off the bat, I realized something. Saidi was actually my male version. He had the same hunger and yearning that I had for the good life when I first met Jack. I could see by the way he kept looking at my phone and openly admiring my car. He kept asking for the prices of different things around my home.


I loved the attention and shamelessly flaunted “my” wealth. I told him about all the places that I have been to and exaggerated on the people that I have met. I told him about famous people that I am friends with. Okay to be honest, I don’t know anyone famous even in Kenya who I can really say is a friend. However, I loved the attention that he was giving me and I knew that in his eyes, I was a super hero of some kind and I loved it.


Long after the construction was complete, I kept seeing Saidi. We came up with a plan where I would pay my driver to take me to the rendezvous. Our relationship grew and for once since I got married, I really started to enjoy life. I still had the lifestyle that I wanted and Jack seemed to have no indication that I had strayed out of the marriage. Saidi was exciting. We had so much to fun together and I actually enjoyed being with people my age again. He was a wonderful companion. We came up with a plan on how I can start getting some money from Jack for my own personal use.


Saidi came up with this genius idea of me telling Jack that I wanted to start a business. It was perfect and I don’t know why I had never thought of it myself. I told Jack that I wanted to set up a clothing stall in town but on the upper side. I told him that this would give me something to do and I knew I would be good at it since I loved shopping so much and I knew about clothes. To my surprise, Jack bought it! He accepted my story and immediately told me to start looking for a stall and get the budget details. Saidi helped me come up with a much exaggerated budget that allowed us to start the business and still get a lot more money to spend on ourselves.


Right from the start, the business was the best cover up. I got a lot of time outside the home and managed to earn some money for my own use. I still used Jack’s money for my personal expenses and upkeep and used my business money to have fun with Saidi.


I told Jack that I would need to go buy stock in Dubai and he funded the trip. I told him that I would be travelling with a friend who also owned a business and so wouldn’t need to travel with my driver or any other person really. Once again, Jack did not suspect anything. He actually offered to meet my friend’s expenses so that we could stay together. Of course the friend that I was travelling with was Saidi!


I will never forget that weekend in Dubai, we had so much fun. For once, we could be a couple in public without looking over our shoulders. We dined, shopped and went dancing.  I had never had so much fun in my life before. It was great being around someone young and fun again instead of old Jack.


While in Dubai, Saidi and I discovered that this is the lifestyle that we wanted. Most importantly, we wanted to share this life together. The only obstacle to our dreams was Jack, that old fool. I knew that if I divorced jack then I wouldn’t leave with much. He had a good pre-nuptial agreement that I had signed before we got married and that pretty much meant that I would walk away with absolutely nothing. The more Saidi and I talked, the more it became apparent to us that we would have to get rid of Jack, the old fashioned way, by killing him.


Saidi promised to ask around and see if we could hire someone to do it and make it look like a robbery gone bad. We had heard stories before that there were people who do that kind of thing for a mere fee of Kshs.20, 000. We were excited as we planned our life together. I could imagine taking over all of Jack’s properties. I knew he had cut off the first wife and her children and so I wasn’t expecting any problems from her. We had a bright future head of us.


However, when we went back to Kenya, we quickly realized that it’s not that easy to hire someone to commit a murder. We simply didn’t know who to ask or even where to start. Saidi also hit a wall when he approached people he assumed would take up the offer. We were back to step one with the perfect plan but no idea on how to carry it out.


One day, I got the idea to include my driver in the plot. We figured that if we offered him some money then he would help us. I remember that night; I left with the driver before Jack could get home from work. We agreed to switch off our phones and pretend that there was no network incase Jack asked later on. We then left for a joint at Parklands where we were to meet Saidi.  To my surprise, breaking the news to the driver was actually easy. He quickly jumped at the idea although greedily asked us for Kshs.100, 000 for his participation. Knowing how much I was going to get once Jack died, I knew that I could pay the fee that he had asked.


Then the driver told us something quite shocking. He knew of another woman from his hometown that had successfully killed her husband. The answer was pretty simple; just mix his food with rat poison. Saidi and I almost kicked ourselves, seriously how had we not thought of that! However, I congratulated myself for at least having thought of involving the driver. That night, we threw all caution into the wind and started an early celebration. We had a number of drinks, some nyama choma and danced the night away. The driver agreed to buy the poison the next morning and then I was to execute the plan that same evening.


We then made plans on going to Mombasa just the three of us to celebrate our freedom from that monster Jack. We were not stupid people so of course we ironed out the plan for the murder to the teeth and even worked on the mourning period. I was to learn how to dress, what to say and all that is expected of a grieving widow. It was all too exciting.


We left the joint at around 11pm and started driving home. We agreed to drop Saidi at his place and then rush home. We came up with a plan to tell Jack that I had gone out to meet a major client and then we got car trouble and had to stop at a place where there was no network and looked for someone to fix the car. I told you that we were a bright bunch, that plan was genius you see.


We quickly got into town and were soon on Uhuru Highway heading to Saidi’s place at Kikuyu town before proceeding to Runda through Limuru. I remember the mood in tha car, the joking and laughing. We had so many “Jack jokes”, that old man gave us plenty to laugh about. His dressing and his attempt to look like a young man left us in stitches. We were still doubling over with laughter when it happened. The truck seemed to have come from nowhere. It had full headlights on completely blinding our driver. The impact that followed was deafening. The next thing, we were being pushed by the truck off the road. It all happened in a matter of seconds.


The next thing, there were people everywhere. At first, there were hands grabbing things from the car, my purse, our phones, they all disappeared. Then there were other hands pulling us out from the car. I wasn’t feeling hurt; I was actually feeling quite fine. However, I tried to talk, even shouted but people seemed not to hear me at all. This man actually put his ear right next to my face but for some reason, the fool couldn’t hear me say a word. Next thing I know, I was watching the scene and not really being part of it. I mean, I could see myself lying on the ground, eyes wide open; head spilt open, legs twisted at an odd angle and soon someone placing a blanket over my head.


I looked at Saidi and the driver and they were also covered up in blankets. This was all so strange. We were then piled into a police land cruiser and just placed on the floor and rushed to the mortuary where we placed on these steel tables, lying side by side. We were still so young, not even 30 years old and this is what it had come to. I was so angry and I definitely knew whose fault this was, Jack’s! It was his all his fault! If we hadn’t been plotting to kill him then we wouldn’t have been out that night. We wouldn’t have been celebrating by having those drinks. This Mercedes that we had died in, wasn’t it the one Jack bought for me! It was all Jack’s fault and I can’t believe he wasted my life like that. I had dreams; I still had things to do while he is almost 70 years old and has done everything for himself. That man was so selfish!


Now here I am, watching my funeral proceedings and there is that stupid man weeping in front of the mourners. First of all, they used a bad photograph of me. I had other better photos that they could have picked in which my face was well made up and I was looking fabulous. Jack picked a photo where I didn’t have any makeup on! Why am I not surprised? That man annoys me all the way to my grave.


Say what you want, the wages of sin is death, and maybe I deserved to end up like this, its Karma and all that… All I know is that I had dreams and Jack ruined everything honestly.


This is definitely not that the plan that I had for my life and I can’t believe that it has ended this way. That stupid husband of mine!

ImageThe wages of sin is death

NB:The pic is from Google images…

40 thoughts on “That stupid husband of mine!

  1. Diana, I would really love to impress you and actually praise your artistic creativity, regardless of the piece. However, that courtesy is absolutely irrelevant now, and has been for 3-5 of your pieces, those that I have read. But it is this piece that now becomes a masterpiece, and the very best, very best I have ever read, of your work. This I say to you not as a choice comment, but even before Him who understands my heart better than I do, I wholly respect, admire and greatly appreciate your writing instinct. I have a billion things to praise about this piece. So Diana, please know that to me, your writing is not just your fun-activity, but a mandatory use of God-given talent. Please do not let it rest, my best regards.

    1. Wow Jojoma, i have read every single word in your comment and each has carried its weight to me. I do appreciate what you have said. I do love writing and sometimes feel like i need a kick to actually get me where i need to be in regard to that. I pray that doors will soon open and i will know for certain in which direction i need to go. Thank you and God Bless you.

  2. wow Dee!am saying this as someone who really loves reading,’you have outdone yourself this time round,love it!!!all that time i used to call u tyra banks kumbe u were a candace bushnell?keep it up gal,wacha nianze kusave pesa ya novel,naona inasija.

    1. Carol!!!Thanks so much for the comment. I do remember you saying that i should be the next Tyra Banks since i have the personality and as much as i love Ty Ty, Candace Bushnell is definitely someone who i look up to. I love everything that she has done. That woman doesn’t have a miss, every single thing she writes is a hit!Even Carie’s diary was amazing wow. I am definitely jazzed and honored by the comment and the comparison totally made my day. Yes save up for the novel, there are discussions already underway:-)

  3. To be honest, I have been captivated from the beginning to the end. The mastery of catching my attention all the way to the end. Great work,great theme and to top it off, brilliant piece. Dee, I did not know that you had this in you. You should have started writing a long time back. You remember when I told you about the vagabonds progress? Well you have illicited something in me. A magnet to good pieces and reading. I salute you. Brilliant

    1. Thank you so much Leon for the really wonderful comment. I did start writing a whole ago although this is the time that i have started sharing my work and i love all the words of encouragement that i have been getting 🙂 Thanks dear.

  4. This is quite a nice story, brilliant!! But l its not Jack’s fault…its the choices u made in life….every choice has consequences only that human beings like blaming others.

    1. Yes it is not his fault, but the villain in this story is selfish and vain so she definitely does not see what she did wrong even after paying for her mistakes with death 🙂

  5. wow i have read every single bit of it…. I am not much of a long read but this is better than most Blogs i read. I look Forward to the next one… well am heading for your Previous ones right now. Super revealing.

    1. Thank you so much Lemayian and i am checking out your blog too. Hope you enjoy my other articles:-)

        1. You should write again, i see your blog has been inactive for decades and the way you were good. I have read some of your 2011 posts and you need to get back to it Lemaiyan.

  6. Nice post. I find out something more difficult on different weblogs everyday. It usually is stimulating to read content from other writers and exercise a little something from their store. Id prefer to use some with the articles on my website whether anyone dont mind. Natually Ill offer you a link on the web blog. Many thanks for sharing.

    1. hehehe yes, that horrible stupid man Jack causing the death of his would be killer’s, how dare he!LOL and thanks a lot Bett. I appreciate the comment and you checking out the blog …..

  7. This is a great read personally. Must consent that you are among the coolest tumblr I ever before saw. Thanks for posting this useful information. This was precisely what I was about looking for. I’ll come back to this website for sure!

  8. A reminiscence of Moi LS days dear. waGitau you going places!! Keep the pace and the spirit!!! Was here just briefly but I think I should get time and do the critic which I suppose you damn need!!!

    1. Hi Martine, thank you very much for reading and for the encouragement. You are very much welcome.

  9. Is there a better way to use artistic/writing prowess than this? God is awesome. Don’t stop here Dee. May God bless you more.

    1. Thank you so much Joseph. Comments full of encouragement like yours is what keeps me going. Humbled.Thanks once again and God Bless you too.

  10. “”…Jack picked a photo where I didn’t have any makeup on! Why am I not surprised? That man annoys me all the way to my grave…'” I don’t know why I’m laughing at this. LOL. You must really hate Jack.

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