I am just a girl who loves reading and talking about books
“How to fake your own death!” that is what I entered in my online search engine.
I was looking for a very particular type of medication that is called the ‘death pill.’
I got millions of hits from my search and so I went through all of them before finally finding one that could work for me. Most of the other medicines that I found were usual prescriptions that were for heart conditions. However, that is not what I wanted. I wanted something that would slow down my heartbeat to such an extent that my pulse would not be detectable. Don’t get me wrong though, I really wasn’t trying to kill myself. I just wanted to fake my own death!
“How old are you?’
“Why do you need the package?”
I don’t know why this particular seller kept referring the medicine as the package but so far, he seemed to be the only who knew what the “death pill” meant.
“There are two packages, one will get you the results that you want and the other one will get you back.”
He was being too vague.
“You mean the medicine?”
“Are you a police officer, wewe ni polisi,hizo maswali zimezidi..” I could tell that he was panicking.
I convinced him that I wasn’t a police officer and so two nights later, in a shitty little dark lane somewhere in the city that never sleeps; I finally got the ‘package’. My plan was now in motion.
You may wonder why a 21 year old would want to fake her death. Well, I wasn’t in any kind of trouble. Actually, I wasn’t in debt or involved in a crime. It was just to scare some people.
One was my boyfriend who had just gotten a new job and suddenly had all these new friends, second were my parents who were more concerned with my small brother who had just been diagnosed with cancer and lastly, my best friend, Nimo who was getting married.
Jose, my boyfriend for the past two months had stopped paying attention to me since he got a job at the bank. We hardly go out on dates anymore. In addition, I keep texting him and he would take hours before replying giving the famous excuse, “sorry…I was busy babe”. It wasn’t fair. I am in college, I have classes and things to do but I still have time for him.
“Your brother had chemo again today.”
“Mwangi was smiling and laughing earlier on today…”
“The doctor says that he is responding well to the chemo.”
Mwangi this, Mwangi that!
That is all my parents ever talk about. Last week I scored an A in my Quantitative Analysis exam. That was major news especially since almost the whole class flopped.
“Oh that is good…well, today Mwangi threw up, and I don’t know what is wrong…” Again, that is all my mum had to say.
Ok mum, I get it, Mwangi is sick but for crying out loud, I am still your daughter too!
Well as for my best friend Nimo, she has only dated Nico for like a year and now they are getting married! She won’t stop talking about it. Not just her, all our friends too, it’s like the whole world revolves around Nimo and her stupid wedding of late.
I was tired of being ignored and feeling unloved by the people who supposedly cared about me. I knew exactly how to get them to pay attention to me once more.
I first read about the death pill online on a local page on crime. The pill was available in the black markets. Of course I didn’t know how to go about the back market until I found, night buy, a well concealed website tucked away under a blanket of search pages. On the page, they had everything that you could think of. There were degree certificates on sale, car parts, body parts, children… It was a little hell where the devil resided. However, in that hell, I found my pills.
I staged my death perfectly.
“I don’t want to live anymore, please do not mourn me.”
I sent out that text to Jose, Nimo and my parents and then I switched off my phone. I could just imagine them frantically trying to reach me. Now they will remember that I still existed. It was the perfect day to fake my suicide, Nimo’s surprise bridal shower had been planned for that day. Mwangi had another doctor’s appointment and Jose had told me that he would be spending the evening with his ‘boys”.
Too bad guys, all that was going to change! The day was going to be all about me!
I quickly took the pills; the seller had advised that I take two tablets of the death pill and also the revival pill all at the same time. He had told me that I would be ‘out” for six hours during which time I could easily pass off as a dead person. In addition to the pills, I took all a bunch of painkillers and ensured to leave little medicine packets and bottles of unfinished antibiotics on my bedside. I wanted it to look like a suicide.
“Nobody loves me anymore, I am better off dead.”
I left a note next to my bed and slipped under the covers.
The medicine took time to kick in and I was afraid that someone may walk in and interrupt my plans. I tried to distract myself by thinking about how people would react to my ‘death’. Wailing, regretting not paying more attention to me. Nobody would even remember Nimo’s stupid wedding now.
I could feel the effects of the medicine when they started kicking. My heart started racing, my throat felt constricted and I was struggling to breathe. The panic started kicking when I tried to get up but couldn’t move my limbs. I tried to reach for my cell phone by my arms wouldn’t move. This wasn’t indicated anywhere. The medicine instructions had indicated that I would go into a deep slumber and wake up after 6 hours. There were no side effects indicated.
I was scared and I knew that something had gone wrong. I should never have taken medicine purchased from the internet and delivered by a shoddy character on a dark alley at night. It was a stupid idea to try and fake my own death.
Oh God, I wasn’t ready to die!
I asked God to save me and tried to bargain.
“I will never do something so stupid again in my life, just save me and I will be a better person!”
I thought of Nimo, my parents, Mwangi, Jose…I wasn’t ready to leave them. What had I done?
People lie when they speak of a bright white light. That is not what I saw. There was only darkness, silence and darkness. There was so much pain too, my chest was on fire, my throat still burning and my head…oh God…it couldn’t stop pounding. It’s like someone was in there with a hammer just pounding away. I was in so much pain such that when the darkness came, I just embraced it!
And then I woke up!
It had worked, the medicine had worked! The pain was still there though. My head hurt so bad that I thought it would soon split open.
Thud! Thud! Thud!
I could hear something, it sounded like a knock but heavier, like sand, a lot of it hitting against something. I couldn’t see a thing though, not even a single glimpse of light. I tried raising my hand; it hit a surface, a wooden surface. I tried moving my legs but I was trapped.
Thud! Thud! Thud!
I was in a box and there were people covering the box with sand!
How long had i been ‘out”, oh no, i am still alive. I tried to shout but it came out as a whisper.
“I will fly away oh Glory, I will fly away…When I die, Halleluya by and by…”
I could hear faint singing, like people far away were singing but the sound of the thuds were too loud now!
I mastered my strength and with one final effort, I screamed with all my might. My head, oh my head was in so much pain. My heart started racing again, I could feel the heat. It was so hot, the space was so small and I was lying on something silky that was definitely not absorbing any sweat. The clothes that I was wearing was so heavy, my favorite pink skirt suit that I had joked so many times before about wanting to be buried in. It was so hot and thick; I thought I would pass out from the heat. The chest pains started again, I couldn’t breathe. Mercifully, I felt myself being pulled into a darkness that I once again embraced.
And then I woke up again!
I was still in the box!
This is one nightmare that I was simply not waking up from!